We make roughly 33,000 choices a day, conscious and subconscious.

Choosing is so foundational that without it we're frozen in place. So carrying the burden of not trusting yourself is exhausting, because there's always another decision waiting around the corner.

I've had stretches where I didn't trust my own judgment, personally or professionally. And because I never wanted to land in the valley of a bad outcome, I handed the keys to my decision-making power to someone else, someone I decided was more capable than me. It turned out that their decisions for my life were no better than my own.

When you lack self-trust, you hand over control and let doubt run the show. What follows is missed opportunities, stalled potential, and a steady low hum of dissatisfaction.

The seven signs

  1. Seeking validation. You loop back to other people for their read on even small decisions. It broadcasts your hesitation, and it attracts the kind of person who sees an opening to steer you.
  2. Consensus crutching. You collect nods from friends, family, and sometimes strangers, and end up pulled in four directions because you were looking for agreement instead of conviction.
  3. Decision procrastination. Sidestepping a choice for fear of the wrong turn is still a choice. Everything stops, and the delay knocks over everything behind it.
  4. Disconnecting from yourself. You turn down the volume on your own insights, desires, and needs until you can't hear what matters to you.
  5. Underestimating your value. You discount your instincts in favor of advice that sounds more credible, which also hands someone else the blame for a bad outcome.
  6. Gambling with guilt. Post-decision guilt gnaws until you start betting against your own choices, and life starts to feel like a game you're losing.
  7. Comparing your choices to others. You ride the comparison merry-go-round, sick of it and unable to step off, because you believe someone else's choice is always better than yours.

The catch

When you let someone else decide for you, you're still choosing. You're choosing to honor their judgment over your own.

Trusting yourself frees you to live honestly, take risks, learn what you're made of, and grab the moments that actually matter to you.

As you learn to use your own compass, you build strength, resilience, and agility, and you come to know yourself in a new light. The authentic you, which is the best gift of all.

With grace,
Chioma